Thunder Volcano

Boundless enthusiasm for something stupid

Archive for March 2011

How I’m Going to Make Millions

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I’ve heard that the hallmark of a successful invention is to find a new or clever solution to a common problem.  It is with this in mind that I present to you an idea that I’m sure will make me a lot of money.  But first, the problem:

When I drink beer at home, I generally drink whatever homebrew I have on tap.  Barring that, it’s usually some fancypants bottled beer.  The question is, how do I drink beer in the shower?*  Too much water gets into any cup I bring in there, bottles are too slippery in the shower (not to mention very breakable), and there just aren’t that many good beers packaged in cans.

Some friends of mine suggested that I just put a tap line in my shower, but that really creates more problems than it solves.  For one, I rent.  I’ll admit that it would take a pretty unreasonable landlord to frown upon an addition as awesome as that, but you can’t be too careful.  Plus a shower tap would have a much longer beer line, which would mean a lot more head pressure for the keg, which would pose problems for the existing tap I have.  Or it would mean I’d have a keg that I could only pour in the bathroom, which would be kind of weird.

When I finally came up with the solution to this, I was kind of amazed nobody** had thought of it before: an plastic lidded stein.  It’d be unbreakable and easy to hold, it wouldn’t let water in, and it wouldn’t be nearly as much of a pain in the ass as drinking beer out of one of those sippy cups.

*I’ve brought this up in mixed company a few times, and have always gotten the same response: guys enthusiastically agree and/or sympathize, girls give me weird looks.  This has, on several occasions, caused girls to look at their boyfriends and ask with a mixture of confusion and disgust “you drink in the shower?”
**I say “nobody” in the sense of “me”, based on the fact that I haven’t done any checking to see if this exists already.

Written by Baron Volcano

03/09/2011 at 4:40 pm

Posted in Beer, right?

Tough Guy

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I was in a public bathroom the other day and I noticed that the brand of urinal cake holder was Tough Guy.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t usually associate the phrase “tough guy” with things that get peed on.

Can you imagine working QC at the company that makes those?  Most of your work day would probably consist of saying “fuck it, somebody’s just gonna pee on it”.

Written by Baron Volcano

03/09/2011 at 4:11 pm

Posted in right?

Thought for the Day: Air Supply

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Is there any amount/combination of drugs in the world that would make it an enjoyable experience to listen to Air Supply?  I’d also be open to any non-drug situations, but I have even less clue as to what those could be.

Written by Baron Volcano

03/09/2011 at 4:08 pm

Hiatus

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When I started this blog, I gave myself a few rules that would hopefully help me avoid what I saw as being the pitfalls of most blogs. They were:

1. No writing about the (largely mundane) details of my everyday life. I consider blogging to be inherently self-centered, so I do my best to not make it more so. Unless I have an observation on the subject that I consider to be interesting or insightful, I assume you don’t care what I had for lunch or which video game I’m currently playing.
2. No metaposting (i.e. no writing about the blog itself). For the most part, I just find this to be pointless – that’s why I didn’t write a “Hello World, this is what my blog is about” post. There’s not really any new information being presented, and those posts tend to become inaccurate pretty quickly most of the time anyway. If you want to know what this blog is about, read it. I toyed with the idea of putting in a note about how I’m using made-up names for everybody, but I figured most people would realize pretty quickly that my name isn’t Baron Volcano.
3. No apologies for lack of posting. This is really just a combination of #1 and #2, but it’s common enough elsewhere that it warrants its own rule. I estimate that a full quarter of all blog posts are to the general effect of “sorry I haven’t been posting much, I’ve been really busy at work lately.” It really doesn’t add anything to write about how you haven’t been writing.

I mention this because, as you may have figured out already, I’m breaking all of those rules today. Right now, in fact. I do not intend to make a habit of this.

In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t posted a single damn thing for three months or so*. On the off chance that I have readers who don’t know me personally (and thus haven’t heard about this through the grapevine in one form or another), this hiatus started when I lost my job in December. The details of exactly how/why this happened are too stupid to get into in any real detail, but suffice to say it wasn’t something I’d been expecting. After spending a week or two in what could be readily described as a “drunken stupor,” I came to the conclusion that the best use of my time and money would be to drive around the country visiting breweries for two months. At some point during those two months I lost my other job as well.

One question I got a lot on my trip was “are you blogging this?” I obviously didn’t, but that’s because I intend to write a book about it. I figure that, if nothing else, maybe other people can learn from the mistakes I made along the way (free tip: don’t take the scenic route through the mountains in January). I intend to publish the book under my real name, but I’m going to continue using ridiculous made-up names when I post on this site because I find it funny.

I won’t promise that I’ll be keeping to any kind of regular posting schedule now that I’m back, but I would imagine that I’ll be putting up more stuff than I have been recently (that’s right: more than none. I set the bar high for myself). In reviewing the notes from my trip I’ve found a few things that I already know won’t make it to the book (some are too topical, some are too opinionated, etc.), so those will likely land here if anywhere. There are also a few things that I wrote before losing my job (I edit the hell out of pretty much everything I write, which I suppose is a fourth rule I established that I’m not breaking today), and I’ll probably be putting those up whenever I get around to editing them.

In short: sorry I haven’t posted in three months, but I’ve been really busy getting drunk across America. I’ll totally try to write more.

*If WordPress is to be believed, my inactivity has somehow caused an increase in readership. I do not know how to interpret that.

Written by Baron Volcano

03/09/2011 at 2:53 pm

Posted in Hootenanny