Thunder Volcano

Boundless enthusiasm for something stupid

Product Review: A Terrible Bastardization of Skittles

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Upon first seeing Skittles Fizzl’d Fruits, my first inclination was to ask (out loud, to nobody in particular) “is this just rebranded Skittles Sours?”.  A coworker happened to be standing nearby, but was polite enough to avoid pointing out how sad it was that I even said that.  It turns out that I was wrong anyway.

Fizzl’d Fruits, much like Skittles Sours, are awful.  Shortly after putting the entire bag into my mouth, I was struck by the fact that they taste terrible.  But this is a specific terrible taste, one I remember from my childhood.  They used to make these tablets* that you would put into water, causing them to foam up and, at least in theory, make a drink not unlike carbonated Kool Aid.  In practice, they made a drink that tasted much more like a combination of Alka Seltzer and garbage.  Nevertheless, my cousin Bjorn and I bought the hell out of them.  Why?  We discovered that we could put the tablets directly into our mouths and run around pretending like we had rabies, obviously.  They were also pretty handy in those situations where you need to pretend like you’re puking up foam (similarly for those situations where you need to actually puke up foam.  I’m not kidding about how terrible these things were).

Fizzl’d Fruits taste just as bad as Fizzies ever did, but they don’t produce enough foam to have any practical usage.  They’re doubly disappointing since they give you the false hope that you’ll be eating something that tastes as good as regular Skittles.  Save yourself the aggravation: vigorously shake up a bottle of Coke and open it while your mouth is over the cap.  I can almost guarantee that it will be a more satisfying experience.

*My first thought was that they were called Lotsa Fizz, but those are a candy that’s actually pretty good.  I think they were called Fizzies.

Written by Baron Volcano

11/21/2010 at 5:21 pm

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