Thunder Volcano

Boundless enthusiasm for something stupid

Balls

with one comment

Back in the day, Duke and I used to go golfing a few times a year.  We made an important discovery during one of these outings: it never stops being funny if you wait until your competitor is most of the way into his backswing and then say “balls” loudly enough that it’s just barely audible.  At the very least, it’s really distracting.  It became somewhat of a running joke between us until Duke started getting mad at me for doing it because he actually cares whether or not he’s good at golf*.

With this in mind, I came up with the perfect birthday present for Duke one year.  I’d go to the Nike website and get some custom golf balls that had “Balls” printed on them.  Brilliant!  He’ll never be able to get through a swing without laughing!  Well, the website was designed in such a way that my text got erased by the time I finished typing it.  Undaunted, I found a different company that offered a similar service but didn’t have such a sophisticated website.  About a week after I’d paid they rejected my order and refunded my money.

I was discouraged for a little while, but I came up with a solution that ended up being even better than my original idea: I’d get “Cockand” printed on them.  They’d be Cockand Balls.  Get it?  Sure, it’s a little cerebral, but we’re both intellectuals.  Shockingly, this order got rejected by several companies as well.

I don’t really understand why this is the norm.  Is the company afraid that they’ll gain a reputation for giving customers what they want?  I can almost see why Nike might want to reject this (“oh nice, you’ve got the Nike BALLS series?  I’m playing those new Titleist that have boobs printed on them”), but why would a third-party company be opposed to me doing this?  I can’t think of any reason why they’d place a restriction on how I’m allowed to amuse myself.

*In contrast, I generally use a holistic scoring system that only loosely correlates to how many strokes I’ve taken.  Plus, there have been several occasions where course staff has threatened to throw me out mid-game for refusing to wear shoes.
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Written by Baron Volcano

11/21/2010 at 6:33 pm

Posted in right?

One Response

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  1. Their loss.

    Dave Poole

    11/29/2010 at 5:45 pm


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