Thunder Volcano

Boundless enthusiasm for something stupid

Product Review: Samoa Methadone

with 3 comments

Me: I heard you can get Girl Scout cookies
Coworker: I can
Me: Can I get a case of Samoas?
Coworker: That’s a lot of cookies.  Do you know how many come in a case?
Me: I dunno.  Twenty boxes?
Coworker: …
Me: Thirty?
Coworker: …I think it’s twelve.
Me: Yeah OK that works too.

This is a rough transcript of what happened the last time* I bought Samoas (also known as Caramel De Lites in some states).  I have a pretty similar conversation to this every time I find somebody with a girl scout cookie hookup (with similar weird looks from the person I’m talking to).  I guess what I’m trying to say is: I really fucking like Samoas.**


So, as a die hard fan of this particular cookie, it was with an equal mix of excitement and trepidation that I opened my first box of Keebler Coconut Dreams.  Oh who am I kidding, I tore that sucker open before I even put away the rest of my groceries.  They managed to rip off the original pretty faithfully.  The chocolate was a little creamier and the shortbread not as crisp, but it was spot-on other than that, and an all-around satisfactory cookie experience. That being said, it was kind of bittersweet because it was different enough that it served as a constant reminder that I wasn’t eating Samoas.  I’d say that Coconut Dreams are to Samoas as methadone is to heroin, but I’m basing this comparison entirely on what I’ve learned from watching Trainspotting twice. Needless to say I ate the whole box in one sitting (maybe stuff like that is why people always think I’m a pothead.  I’m not.).  In other words, worth a try.  Even more so if you don’t have a sentimental attachment to the original (which is the world’s best cookie, by the way).

*That’s not entirely true, the last time I bought them I was half drunk and walking to a book signing when I saw a girl scout at a table selling cookies.  I bought four boxes and proceeded to try to share with everybody near me at the book signing.
**This is by no means limited to this one particular cookie.  At a work function that involved free food (and free beer, but that’s kind of implied) a (presumably intoxicated) coworker asked me several times if I’d had enough cookies.  After the second or third time I asked why she kept asking me that, to which she replied “I heard you like cookies more than you like real food”.  She then proceeded to give me a bar of Belgian chocolate (because I’d just been to Belgium?  I think?).  I’d been having a bad day up to that point and this completely made my night.
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Written by Baron Volcano

10/12/2010 at 2:13 pm

3 Responses

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  1. Hm, I’m a good bit surprised to learn that you’ve only seen Trainspotting twice. Thought you were quite a bit more enamoured of it than that. But also, Samoa ice cream is making some spotty appearances in grocery stores- it’s a pretty awesome variant.

    La Ghoulia

    10/26/2010 at 12:21 am

    • I’ve probably seen Trainspotting more than twice. I didn’t really consider that an “important detail”. Also Samoa ice cream is a fucking tease. Yeah sure there are Samoas in there, but they’re buried in some pretty low-quality vanilla ice cream. You end up digging out all the cookies and then you’re left with a half tub of crappy ice cream. Besides, it’s only sold during Girl Scout Cookie season anyway.

      Baron Volcano

      10/26/2010 at 3:13 pm

  2. As the opium suppositories are to heroin: for all the good it does you, you might as well shove it up your arse! It is definitely not as good as the Thin Mint ice cream.

    La Ghoulia

    10/26/2010 at 5:01 pm


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